ONE LINERS – A little sick but funny

Q: Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
A: Ask your mother.
Q: How do you embarrass an archaeologist?
A: Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.
Q: What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
A: Wiped his ass.
Q: How can you tell if your wife is dead?
A: The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.
Q: What did the gynaecologist and the pizza delivery man have in common?
A: They both get to smell the goods but neither one of them can eat it.
Q: How can you tell if you're at a bulimic bachelor party?
A: The cake jumps out of the girl.
Q: What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?
A: Full.
Q: What's the difference between oral sex & anal sex?
A: Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.
Q: How is pubic hair like parsley?
A: You push it to the side before you start eating.
Q: What is blonde, has six legs, and roams Michael Jackson's dreams every night??
A: Hanson.
Q: If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong?
A: Made her chain too long.
Q: What's somewhat brown and often found in children's underpants?
A: Michael Jackson's hand.
Q: How is a woman like a condom?
A: Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.
Q: What is the difference between a woman and Kentucky Chicken?
A: By the time you're finished with the breast and thighs, all you have left is the greasy box to put your bone in.
Q: How are tornadoes and marriage alike?
A: They both begin with a lot of sucking and blowing, and in the end you lose your house.
Q: Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?
A: Because everybody who can run, jump and swim are already in the U.S.
Q: What's the difference between a bitch and a whore?
A: A whore sleeps with everybody at the party, and a bitch sleeps with everybody at the party except you.
Q: What's the difference between love, true love and showing off?
A: Spitting, swallowing and gargling
Q: What are three words you dread the most while making love?
A: 'Honey, I'm home.'
Q: What's so good about an Ethiopian blowjob?
A: You know she'll swallow.
Q: Why don't they teach driver's education and sex education on the same day in Iraq?
A: They don't want to wear out the camel.
Q: What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife?
A: A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewellery.
Q: Do you know why women fake orgasm?
A: Because men fake foreplay.
Q: What's the difference between getting a divorce and getting circumcised?
A: When you get a divorce, you get rid of the whole prick!
Q: A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man of 35 think of?
A: Dating children.
Q: What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?
A: A guy will actually search for a golf ball.
Q: Why does a bride smile when she walks up the aisle?
A: She knows she's given her last blow job.
Q: What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball?
A: Cough, gag, choke, etc.
Q: What did One gay sperm say to another?
A: How do we find an egg in all of this shit?
Q: What did the elephant say to the naked man?
A: It's cute but can you pick up peanuts with it?
Q. How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb? A. Two. The hard part is getting them in the light bulb.
Q. How do you find a blonde in long grass? A. Pleasing!
Q. What has seventy-five balls and screws old ladies? A. Bingo!
Q. How do the little boys at Michael Jackson's ranch know when it is bedtime? A. When the big hand touches the little hand...
Q: When is a pixie not a pixie?
A: When he's got his head up a fairy's skirt, then he's a goblin'.
Q. What's the definition of a Yankee? A. Same thing as a 'quickie', only you do it yourself.
Q: How does every ethnic joke start?
A: By looking over your shoulder.
Q: What's a Japanese girl's favourite holiday?
A: Erection day.
Q: How can you tell if a valentine card is from a leper?
A: The tongue's still in the envelope.
Q: Which of the following doesn't belong: wife, meat, eggs, blow job?
A: The blow job. You can beat your wife, you can beat your eggs,and you can beat your meat; but you just can't beat a blow job.

Spiceworks

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YouTube - Lost Generation

I Totally understand this.

The Fuckers

So this weekend we where broken onto and all our computers, laptops were stolen and our new Samsung 26” screen. it’s not the equipment that i’m sad about but the data that was on there, I’m so pissed off with the way people can just come into your house and take stuff from others it really fucked up.

I just wonder to my self how many other people this has happened to this weekend in our area, and how much did they lose, the thing that freaks me the most is  the fact the the guy or guys were in my dad’s room right next to his bed taking his laptop luckily for us know one was hurt or worse killed.

We will recover from this as we have in the past, but this time we have insurance which helps, my only concern is how much will we have to pay the insurance company to be able to replace our stuff.

This day and age it’s all about money and how much these company can squeeze out of us, but the fuckers will get away with it and make money for them selves, isn’t that a sign that there is something very wrong with these world and I do think it will get worse as time goes on not just in this country but the world.

Laters

Random Buddha

• Right view, right resolve, right speech, right action, right livelihood, right effort, right mindfulness, right concentration.
• Develop giving
• There's no fellowship with fools.
• Then these three similes — spontaneous, never before heard — appeared to me.

Random Buddha

Great Animation

http://i27.tinypic.com/25pjpz8.gif

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